Strawberry Season

This is just a quick update: I’ve finally tried the Piece of Cake Liqueur new Strawberry Shortcake flavor.

Remember how much I loved the chocolate variety? Because it was awesomely subtle and tasted just like chocolate cake batter?

Yeah – the Strawberry Shortcake falls considerably SHORT of the former’s benchmark.
Its syrupy, slightly burnt flavoring would seem gauche in a tube of lip smacker’s.
Love the color, but hate the flavor. Give this one a miss.

That Was More Alcoholic Than I Thought! – The Hop, Skip, and Go Naked

Memorial Day weekend is here again at last! Break out your killer white jorts, your toe ring, that halter top you bought at Hottopic, and throw yourself a party, because SUMMER has officially begun!

That’s right, Summer. The season of sunscreen and blockbuster action movies (which, if Pirates 4 was any indication, are just sliding further into their recent downward trend), and the time when warm weather makes it possible to double your party-space by opening up that long unused patio, balcony, or backyard.* So what are you waiting for?! Whether it’s a summer birthday party or just a saturday night, there’s no excuse not to use that extra daylight to jam to some cool tunes and dance with your neighbors. That’s why I am imparting on you today the ULTIMATE party beverage: it’s cheap, it’s deliciously sweet, and it’s super-duper alcoholic! What more could you want!

The Hop, Skip, and Go Naked
2 Cans Cheap Beer
(use the watery, cheap stuff, like Natty Ice, or Budweiser)
1 Can Cheap Vodka
(yes “Can”, use one of the ones you just emptied to meassure)
Pink Lemonade Powder to taste
(I usually find that about half a jar of the stuff makes a college party’s worth)

–Just remember, beer will go flat, particularly in a punch bowl, so you want to mix up smaller batches periodically through the night, starting just before your guests arrive. Of course, you can also have the vodka and lemonade premixed and chillin’, ready to go, and then just add beer when someone wants a glass. To rock the one cup at a time method, fill the cup about with 1.5 shots vodka and 1 heaping spoonful lemonade powder, then fill the glass with beer. Depending on what glass you’re using and how full “full” is, you should keep tasting and adjusting until you’ve got the ratio right.

There you go. It’s that simple. Now for any self-selecting “adults” reading this, don’t be scared off by the college-style measurements and ingredients – I’ve had friends in their 30’s serve this at garden parties and love it just as much as the 19 year olds chugging it down at the dorm rager. Similarly, I implore you not to get fancy here and try to make this with “quality” ingredients. I’ve been making this for several years now, and while I’ve spent some time trying to come up with a top shelf version, it really never turns out as well as when you make it with the cheap stuff: Crystal Palace, Natty Ice, and Stop’n’Shop brand drink mix.**

But back to the title of this post, I should issue a warning here: This drink is going to be more alcoholic than your party guests think, so be prepared, and if they’re hitting it a little hard, maybe give them a heads up. The fizziness of the beer and the crapload of sugar hide the characteristic vodka sting and make you hyper, so that after a quickly consumed solo cup-full you’ll be back in freshmen year – rediscovering that bouncy, 3-shot drunk, when you can’t keep from skipping as your gang of hallmates roves the campus in search of generous upper classmen, and it seems like all is right with the world.

Hop, Skip, and Go Naked?

Why yes, thank you, I think I will…

*For those of you who still don’t have sufficient space to invite over the dancing hordes, don’t sweat it. Take them to a local park or head to the beach – just make sure to check out the open container and public drinking laws in your area, and stay suitably under the radar if you’re not lucky enough to live in the Big Easy.

Still – something like sangria in a lovely plastic pitcher from Target can be passed off as juice while you’re passing it around the picnic blanket…

**I should say here: I didn’t actually invent this drink. I had it at a TA party I crashed my junior year,where it was being served out of a giant tupperware storage container. I did, however, figure out the recipe, and realized that by substituting lemonade powder for liquid lemonade, you get a more pure (read alcoholic) beverage.

Bring It On Down To Liquorville~~~!

That’s right! SNL has officially combined my favorite things in the world right now: a hilariously funny, singing and dancing Justin Timberlake, a dramatically costumed Lady Gaga, and BOOZE!

Watch this video while you still have the chance, since NBC  notoriously polices their SNL clips and somehow this one didn’t make it into the Hulu run. (I’d have sent people to Hulu if you’d made that a possibility…. All I’m sayin’…)

Justin Timberlake in Liquorville courtesy of SNL

The Secret to Sangria

Let’s be honest: by and large, Sangria sucks. You’ve tried the cheap, premixed bottles from the grocery store, you might even have made your own fruit juice and cabernet concoction for a summer party, and it can be fun – depending on your tastes – but for most people, it’s not something you seek out.

Well, I was like you. I’d tried the sangrias at restaurants, in premade bottles, and at parties, but it always left something to be desired. More often than not, it tasted like a bitter fruit juice, more tart, sugary aftertaste than anything else, and tended to leave you with a massive headache. So finally I took things into my own hands. Fruit, Wine, Summer – these things have to convert into something delicious! The secret, or secrets, as I found out, were simple. Making Sangria is like making great stew – you don’t really have one recipe and you mostly use whatever you’ve got around the house or can get at the corner store. But if you change how you think about Sangria, there’s no reason why you can’t make one evey bit as delicious as mine. (okay, practically every bit as delicious, since making Sangria is like, my super power.)

1) With the exception of Carlo Rossi jug’o’sangria (which is my preferred base, both for flavor, price, and useful container), DO NOT START WITH A PREMADE “SANGRIA”. Use a cheap, fruit forward red wine (we can talk about white sangria later, because it’s a whole nother beast) like a merlot, a cabernet, or a zin. If they don’t have Carlo Rossi Sangria, most of the other Carlo Rossi reds will work. If you’re using bottled wines and you’re making it for a party, you probably want at least 2 or 3. The end product will be fairly potent, but people will drink it like juice, so be prepared, in whatever sense that means to you…

2) If you are using the CR Sangria, you can skip this step, but if you’ve bought a regular red wine, you’re going to need sweetener – USE HONEY, NOT SUGAR. First of all, the sugar isn’t going to dissolve well, and then you’ll have a pile of it on the bottom of the jar. Secondly, honey has a better flavor and is better for you. Sweeten to taste. — You’re gonna have to taste this as you go, because that’s how greatness is made. So suck it up and find a spoon.

3) IF you add fruit juice, and that’s a big “IF” here, make sure it’s the good, organic, 100% juice kind. I recommend Acai juice (a new favorite of mine. try the mango!) or peach, mango, or papaya nectar. – Nothing too tart, you want mellow and exotic to combat the tanins in the wine.

4) Spices are key. They give the mixture a depth (we know how I love layered drinks), and keep it from getting too juicy. I always add some cinnamon (it’s easily found in most cupboards and a justifiable purchase if not), and some ground cloves, nutmeg, or even basil if it’s available.

5) Instead of juices, you’re  gonna add some flavorful liquors and liqueurs. I’ll explain below how you’ll incorporate them, and again, a big thing here is what you’ve got or can easily get, so don’t worry about having all of them, but some of my favorite ingredients include: Fireball Whiskey, Bourbon, Peach Schnapps, Triple Sec, Grapefruit Vodka, Peach Rum, Raspberry Rum, Dark Rum, or Dragon Fruit Bacardi. Typically, you want one of the harder alcohols (either rum or bourbon, whether it’s flavored or not), and then if the hard stuff is unflavored, you want at least one schnapps or liqueur. So you could use just Bacardi Peach, or you could add Jim Beam and peach schnapps, or, as in my latest batch, Fireball Whiskey, Peach Schnapps, Triple Sec, and Absolut Grapefruit, with a glug of acai juice plus cinnamon, basil, and ground cloves. Yum.

6) Diced fruit is good, and I know oranges are a “classic” ingredient, but stay away from oranges (particularly with peel still attached), and also from frozen fruit. My very favorite fruit to add is red apples (they soak up the alcohol and make getting your daily serving of fruit fun!), and strawberries, as well as raspberries and blackberries. It’s good to remember here that you’re making a drink, not fruit salad, so you don’t want anything that will be too difficult to slurp.

Now, you gotta let things soak. This is key. First of all, you’ll need to cut up your fruit (apples at the very least – they’re cheap and can be purchased at most cafeterias and bodegas) and put it in a medium to large bowl. For a large jug of sangria, use probably 2 apples, and 8-10 strawberries, plus other berries as garnish. Then add your liqours and spices, and honey if needed. You’ll want to put in at least enough to make the fruit float a little so it’s fully covered, and the ratios you’re aiming for are about 1/4 liquor/spices mixture to 3/4 wine base, not counting the fruit, which will get added afterwards to each glass as a garnish. If you’re having a party, you’ll want to make this up ahead of time so that the fruit can soak in the alcohol mixture for at least an hour or 2, though there’s nothing wrong with doing it the night before and keeping the stuff in the fridge. Then, once the juices have all mixed, strain the liquid from the fruit into your jug of sangria and keep the fruit separate in a sealed container (I used to mix it into the jug, but it makes pouring harder, and if you don’t drink the whole jug of sangria at this party, you can keep it around all summer – it just keeps getting better the longer the flavors sit! – as long as you don’t keep the fruit in the bottle with the rest. It’s not that the fruit goes bad so much as it gets a little mushy and the color gets leeched out, so that people find it less appealing. You can leave a couple pieces in there for flavor and keep the rest of the fruit separate, so that if you want to serve the stuff 2 weeks from now, you just cut up some new fruit!

So there you have it! Now you can make sangria like a pro! I told my college professor that it was “spanish punch” (which it is!) and brought some to a class function. We had a GREAT time, but I found out after graduating that my “Spanish Punch” had officially been banned from further appearence by my professor’s wife. (Wanh wahhhh…) Regardless, it wouldn’t be summer without my sangria, and it wouldn’t be a good party without some empty bottles, so put on your apron and try your hand at international cuisine. Just keep tasting as you go and I’ll guarnetee it tastes delicious by the time you’re done!

Bacon cheese dogs from Five Guys and Sangria - a perfect Cinco de Mayo!